10 People Who Should Voice TomTom GPS Systems

(Mature Language Later On)

This news made my day:

With more than a few Star Wars nerds in-house here at CNET, our collective interest was piqued when TomTom made Darth Vader available as a celebrity VoiceSkin for its GPS navigators. When protocol droid C-3PO was announced as the second voice, we thought, "Come on, nobody likes Threepio!" Today, TomTom announced the VoiceSkin that we've all been waiting for. (No, not Chewbacca or R2-D2; those guys don't even speak English.) We're talking about Jedi Master Yoda.

Read story at the source, you must.

Yoda is a voice on a GPS.
Cue the "Stupid jackass, you are. Missed exit, you did" jokes and whatnot.

Anyway, this got me thinking.
10 Other People Who Should Voice TomTom GPS Systems , arranged by how funny I found myself to be at that moment.


10. Ozzy Osbourne
oshhsohhsohs yougottadosudffh turn rite here, oshfoiufiidofjfcoconutwhaitdij wheres my dog? my dog? SHAAAROOONNNN.

9. My mother
What’s GPS stand for? What do I press? What if I break it? Where am I going? Why is it yelling at me!?

8. My grandmother
Turn right, here! No, not there! That place has terrible eggs. And they’re horribly overpriced. I got a ham sandwich there once and it cost more than the gas to get there did. I think we should go to that nice place on the corner of…*turn off GPS*

7. LeBron James
I have decided, after a long discussion, um, that my heart is here, but my decision still isn’t final and, um, we still have 45 minutes of this decision left and, uh, I’ve decided to take my talents to exit I-34 and turn right on 5th.

6. The Jersey Shore kids
Yo man, you gotta turn right there ahhhhh look at that chick! Damn! Aw dude, dude, there's the tanning place! GTL MAN LET'S GO.

5. Kanye West
Yo driver, I’m gonna let you finish, but turning right last exit was the BEST. IDEA. EVER.

4. Lady Gaga
Turn ra ra right right right, in point oh six miles, gaga ooh la la, there’s your des-tin-ation!

3. Lil’ Jon
RIGHT. YEAH. OKAYYY. YEAH. OKAYY. RIIIGHT. YEAHH. OKAYY. SHOTS!

2. Isiah Mustafa (The Old Spice Guy)
Look at your car. Now look at me. Now look at the road. You are now turning left to that thing you want to go to. Now look at me. Now look at your man. Why are you looking at me? You’re on a horse.

1. Christian Bale
YOU NEED TO TURN RIGHT. DO I COME IN YOUR CAR AND TELL YOU TO TURN LEFT? I FUCKING DON-SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRUCE. AH DA DA DA DA LIKE THIS WITH YOUR TURN SIGNAL. WHAT DON’T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND? TURN RIGHT. WE ARE FUCKING DONE PROFESSIONALLY.

PS I didn't make that picture; the internet created it from its glorious hands. AKA, I googled it.

Bad Joke Post #1

On my local news, I saw a story about a woman who collects dice. She has thousands of them and they cover her whole house. It's kinda weird, no? But we should leave her alone.

Maybe that's just how she rolls.

http://instantrimshot.com/

Titanic in 3D: Sink this Lameness

That's enough, James Cameron.

Earlier this year, James Cameron mentioned that they were targeting a spring 2012 release for the 3D version of Titanic...the director, who's converting the blockbuster into 3-D for re-release in April 2012, the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking.

Source

Okay, Hollywood. You listen to me. Titanic is a classic. It's three hours of awesomeness and I cry at the end every. single. time.

But we do not need Kate Winslet's boobs or that jackass iceberg in 3D.
The Titanic does not need to sail into my face for me to love this movie, and I think that's how everyone else feels too. You know, except James Cameron. He needs a new comforter stuffed with hundred dollar bills.

And it's even more insulting that it's coming out on the hundredth anniversary of the ship sinking. I'm positive that all the people who died are going to be joyful that someone is making their deaths...IN THREE DIMENSIONS.

It's just a little much, that's all. And it's annoying.
And unless James Cameron sends me some of his money toilet paper, I'm gonna be pissed about it.

P.S. Yes that is an inflatable Titanic slide in the picture. Yes, I want it.

Let me go "Home"

Slow news day. Hell, slow news MONTH, as you can see by my lack of posting.
All you need to know is that the World Cup is taking over everything and vuvuzelas are the new BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Oh, and Paris Hilton blew her way out of another arrest.

I'm out of things to talk about, so let's talk about music.

"Home" by Edward Sharpe and Magnetic Zeros



I heard this song driving in my friend's car. She has mix CDs and has no idea where the songs come from. I heard it, wrote lyrics on a napkin, and googled it the minute I got home. I fell fully in love with it the minute I heard it. It's been on repeat on my mp3 player for weeks. It's in my top 100 songs, so you're gonna hear it.

It's a folksy, upbeat, fantastic song. I can't count all the instruments in this -- I can hear piano, guitar, some flute thing, potentially a banjo. But mostly, when I hear it, I go somewhere warm and country. And that's a great thing, when a song takes you somewhere.

The female voice is what truly got me. I did some research, and found that it's Jade Castrinos. She sounds like Jenny Lewis met Neko Case and hit up Rachel Yamagata for some raspy vocals. As in, I love her voice more than words can tell. Unfortunately, she hasn't done anything but this. A shame.

More than that, I'm a total sap and love songs about love. And this isn't "oh, I love you, you're perfect, let's spend our life together with no problems or fighting and with unicorns and rainbows." This is realistic. And many people have felt it. That home is wherever another person is.

The bad: Apparently it was on Degrassi? Get out of here with that nonsense. I hate when great songs end up on crappy shows. Don't get me started on the fact that folksy indie music ends up on Grey's Anatomy way too much for my liking.

If you liked this, find Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros on iTunes or find tour dates, links, and all kinds of stuff at http://www.edwardsharpeandthemagneticzeros.com/